1
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,679
[grunts]
2
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,390
PARKOUR!
3
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,309
- MICHAEL--
- PARKOUR!
4
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,811
PARKOUR!
5
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:20,812
- EXTREME!
- PARKOUR!
6
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:21,938
PARKOUR!
7
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,940
THIS IS PARKOUR.
8
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:26,151
INTERNET SENSATION
OF 2004
9
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,777
AND IT WAS IN ONE
OF THE BOND FILMS.
10
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,279
IT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.
11
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,864
THE GOAL IS
TO GET FROM POINT "A"
12
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,991
TO POINT "B" AS CREATIVELY
AS POSSIBLE.
13
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,993
SO TECHNICALLY THEY
ARE DOING PARKOUR
14
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,828
AS LONG AS POINT "A"
IS DELUSION
15
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,705
AND POINT "B"
IS THE HOSPITAL.
16
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,583
PARKOUR!
17
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,710
[grunts]
18
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,253
PARKOUR!
19
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:48,965
[grunts]
20
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,009
- WHOO-HOO!
- YEAH!
21
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,093
- PARKOUR!
- OKAY, HERE WE GO!
22
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,720
- ANDY, LEAPFROG!
- GO, GO!
23
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,597
- DO ME! DO ME!
- YEAH, OKAY!
24
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,849
- YEAH! PARKOUR!
- AH! GET OFF!
25
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,559
- GET OFF!
- OKAY. GOT IT.
26
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,810
- YEAH!
- OKAY, GET ME.
27
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,020
GET ME. GET ME.
HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.
28
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,063
- DIVE!
- WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT.
29
00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,189
GO FOR IT, MICHAEL!
30
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,648
[all shouting]
GO, GO!
31
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:06,816
- AHH!
- GO!
32
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:07,901
- OKAY.
- STAIRS!
33
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:09,319
- STAIRS!
- STAIRS!
34
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,743
HIGH!
35
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,082
PARKOUR!
36
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,793
PARKOUR!
37
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:25,919
JUMP OVER IT.
JUMP OVER THE CAMERA.
38
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,379
JUMP OVER THE CAMERA.
39
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,382
[grunts]
40
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,008
WHOO!
41
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,261
AHH! PARKOUR!
42
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,429
[grunts]
43
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:42,102
[breathing heavily]
44
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,566
OKAY, BREAK'S OVER.
45
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,984
LET'S GO! PARKOUR!
46
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,277
- PARKOUR!
- PARKOUR!
47
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:52,320
AHH!
48
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:54,864
- PARKOUR!
- PARKOUR!
49
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,909
[clattering]
50
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:58,993
OKAY,
WE ALL GO TOGETHER
51
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:00,078
OR WE GO ONE AT A TIME.
52
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,246
HERE IT IS.
HERE IT IS.
53
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:05,083
UH, TRUCK TO REFRIGERATORS
TO DUMPSTER,
54
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,627
360 SPIN ONTO THE PALLETS,
BACKFLIP GAINER
55
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:08,920
INTO THE TRASH CAN.
56
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,088
- YEAH, GAINER!
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
57
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,840
WHOO!
HARDCORE PARKOUR!
58
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:12,966
- HARDCORE PARKOUR!
- HARDCORE PARKOUR!
59
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,092
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU,
ANDY!
60
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,552
- WHOO! LET'S DO IT!
- COME ON!
61
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:16,803
YEAH!
62
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,433
[faintly]
PARKOUR.
63
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,771
[cheerful music]
64
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:33,945
{\an8}♪ ♪
65
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,458
{\an8}GOOD.
66
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,670
{\an8}EXCELLENT.
67
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,505
{\an8}THANK YOU.
68
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,715
{\an8}HERE YOU GO.
69
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,383
{\an8}IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN DO?
70
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,765
{\an8}[crushes cup]
71
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:02,849
{\an8}YES.
72
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,143
{\an8}UM.
[clears throat]
73
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,770
{\an8}SEE THOSE FILES
BEHIND KEVIN'S DESK?
74
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:07,896
{\an8}MM-HMM.
75
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,647
{\an8}GO PUT THEM ALL
IN RANDOM ORDER.
76
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:10,982
{\an8}OKAY.
77
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,734
{\an8}THEN COME BACK HERE
FOR YOUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT
78
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,277
{\an8}CONCERNING THEIR ORDER.
79
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,821
{\an8}THIS IS THE LAST DAY
OF OUR SUMMER INTERNS.
80
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,156
{\an8}IT'S BEEN NICE.
81
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,325
{\an8}WE HAVEN'T HAD INTERNS
IN A WHILE
82
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,952
{\an8}EVER SINCE MICHAEL'S
MONICA LEWINSKY INCIDENT.
83
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,704
{\an8}HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SEXUAL.
84
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,999
{\an8}HE JUST MADE FAR, FAR TOO MANY
MONICA LEWINSKY JOKES.
85
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,501
{\an8}IT WAS JUST EASIER
FOR CORPORATE
86
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,378
{\an8}TO SHUT DOWN THE PROGRAM.
87
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:34,923
{\an8}THINK SHE DID HIM?
88
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,091
{\an8}MEREDITH.
89
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,467
{\an8}YEAH, WHAT'S UP?
90
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,177
{\an8}THEY ARE DEFINITELY
HOOKING UP.
91
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,220
{\an8}THEY SPEND ALL DAY TOGETHER.
92
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,596
{\an8}BECAUSE THEY WORK TOGETHER
93
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,473
{\an8}AND THEY HAVE TO DO
ASSIGNMENTS TOGETHER.
94
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,975
{\an8}RIGHT, BECAUSE PEOPLE
WHO WORK TOGETHER
95
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,894
{\an8}NEVER START DATING.
96
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,522
{\an8}I BET THERE'S
SOMETHING THERE.
97
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,232
{\an8}I WAS WITH THEM
IN THE KITCHEN YESTERDAY
98
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,359
{\an8}AND THEY WERE ALL TOO HAPPY
TO BE CLEANING THE FREEZER.
99
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,819
{\an8}IF THEY GET MARRIED
BEFORE I DO,
100
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:56,903
{\an8}I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.
101
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,238
{\an8}WHO'S GETTING MARRIED?
102
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,156
{\an8}NOBODY.
103
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,908
{\an8}SOMEBODY DOESN'T TELL ME,
I'M GONNA START SCREAMING.
104
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,034
{\an8}IT'S ERIC AND MEGAN.
105
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,328
{\an8}OH, HEY, I HIRED THEM.
106
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,205
{\an8}MATCHMAKER.
107
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,374
{\an8}THIS PLACE IS LIKE
SPANIARD FLY.
108
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,001
{\an8}THEY'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED.
IT'S JUST TALK.
109
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,627
{\an8}DID EVERYBODY KNOW
ABOUT THIS BUT ME?
110
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,713
{\an8}THERE'S NOTHING TO KNOW.
IT'S JUST GOSSIP.
111
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,589
{\an8}YEAH, WELL...
112
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,551
{\an8}THERE IS THIS PHRASE,
"OUT OF THE LOOP."
113
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,594
{\an8}AND FOR THE LONGEST TIME,
114
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,430
{\an8}I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANT.
115
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,225
{\an8}AND I DO NOW.
116
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,561
{\an8}AND I KIND OF--
I WISH THAT I DIDN'T.
117
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,480
{\an8}HEY, JIM, IS THERE ANY MORE
SANDWICH MEAT?
118
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,649
{\an8}- OH, I BROUGHT THIS FROM HOME.
- OH.
119
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,735
{\an8}PAM MAKE THAT FOR YOU?
120
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,028
{\an8}NOPE.
121
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,196
{\an8}YOU MAKE PAM'S SANDWICH?
122
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,157
{\an8}THIS IS A SALAD.
123
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,952
{\an8}OKAY.
OKAY.
124
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,871
WE HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE
THAT I'M PREGNANT.
125
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,748
WHAT WITH HER
BEING UNMARRIED.
126
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,249
KNOCKED UP BY SOME GUY.
127
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,625
I MEAN, THE YAKKITY-YAKS
IN THIS OFFICE
128
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,835
WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY.
129
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,128
YEAH, AND WE DON'T
WANT THEM AT THE WEDDING
130
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,880
THINKING JIM'S BEING MARCHED
DOWN THE AISLE
131
00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,591
BY MY DAD WITH A SHOTGUN.
132
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,343
WAIT, THERE'S NOT GONNA
BE A SHOTGUN?
133
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,470
- NOPE.
- NO SHOTGUN?
134
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,221
'CAUSE THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.
135
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,182
CAN'T BACK OUT NOW, HALPERT.
136
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,850
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO ABOUT IT?
137
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,561
THERE'S NO SHOTGUN, SO...
138
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,939
FREE AT LAST.
FREE AT LAST.
139
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,275
NO, KEEP IT UP.
140
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,027
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS
WHAT I KNOW.
141
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:21,071
OKAY, LET ME FINISH
THIS THOUGHT.
142
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,865
ERIC LIKES MEGAN.
143
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,367
HE MOST DEFINITELY DOES.
144
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,243
HE'S BEEN ASKING HER OUT
REPEATEDLY FOR WEEKS.
145
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,620
SHE FINALLY SAID YES.
146
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,747
THEY WENT OUT ON A GROUP DATE
THE OTHER NIGHT.
147
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,791
APPARENTLY IT WENT VERY WELL.
148
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,001
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?
- PEOPLE TELL ME THINGS.
149
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,087
I GUESS I HAVE A FACE
YOU CAN TRUST.
150
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,923
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
OF MY LOW CHEEKBONES.
151
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,549
AND BOOM.
152
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,717
OKAY, WHAT IS IT?
153
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,678
WHAT CAN'T I GUESS? HA.
154
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,054
PHYLLIS' WEIGHT.
155
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,306
UH, 247. WHAT?
156
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,226
I HATE, HATE,
HATE BEING LEFT OUT.
157
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:54,187
WHETHER IT'S NOT
BEING PICKED FOR A TEAM
158
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:56,690
OR BEING PICKED FOR A TEAM
AND THEN SHOWING UP
159
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,984
AND REALIZING THAT
THE TEAM DOESN'T EXIST
160
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,570
OR THAT THE SPORT
DOESN'T EXIST.
161
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,281
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
POOPBALL?
162
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,494
HEY. CAN YOU MAKE 20 COPIES
OF THESE?
163
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,204
YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO TALK TO ME.
164
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,501
IT'S NOT LIKE I HAD THEM DIG
A DITCH OR ANYTHING.
165
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,253
I SIMPLY HAD THEM GO
TO THE BANK,
166
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,921
GET OUT A COUPLE HUNDRED
IN PENNIES,
167
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,673
AND SEARCH FOR OLD, RARE COINS.
168
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,509
THEY FOUND ONE WORTH ALMOST $7,
SO--
169
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,344
IT WAS DEFINITELY NO WORSE
THAN DWIGHT'S
170
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,013
NOTE PASSING SERVICE.
171
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,557
IT WAS AN INTER-OFFICE
MESSAGING SYSTEM.
172
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,600
IT WORKED QUITE WELL
FOR A WHILE.
173
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,978
AND ULTIMATELY, IT COULDN'T
COMPETE WITH COMPUTER I.M.-ING,
174
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,230
WHICH APPARENTLY HAS
A STRANGLEHOLD
175
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,816
ON THE WHOLE
INSTANT MESSAGING MARKET.
176
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,359
[sighs]
177
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,653
OH, MAN, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
178
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,071
THIRD WHEEL.
179
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,116
I HAVE BEEN THE THIRD WHEEL
SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE.
180
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,576
MY MOM TOLD ME
SOMETHING ONCE
181
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:50,952
THAT MADE ME FEEL
A LOT BETTER.
182
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:55,331
SHE SAID THE THIRD WHEEL
IS WHAT MAKES IT A TRICYCLE.
183
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,710
ACTUALLY, I THINK, ULTIMATELY,
184
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,879
THAT SHE AND JEFF LIKE
HAVING ME AROUND.
185
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,380
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
186
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,049
I AM TALKING ABOUT YOUR
GROUP DATE WITH MEGAN AND ERIC.
187
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,425
- AT TINK'S?
- YES.
188
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,926
HOW'D YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT?
189
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,720
- WELL--
- DID STANLEY TELL YOU?
190
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,348
STANLEY WAS
ON YOUR GROUP DATE?
191
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,433
NO, STANLEY WAS
WITH HIS WIFE.
192
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,352
I WAVED AT HIM BUT
HE DIDN'T WAVE BACK.
193
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,645
[chuckles]
194
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,022
DOES ANYBODY ELSE
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
195
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,273
NO.
196
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,108
[chuckles]
197
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,654
I KNOW TINK'S.
COOL PLACE.
198
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,323
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN INSIDE,
199
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:31,159
BUT I HAVE MET A TON
OF SUPER FUN PEOPLE
200
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,078
ON LINE THERE.
201
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,871
THERE HE GOES.
THERE HE GOES.
202
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,708
SO WHAT IS THE SCUTTLEBUTT?
203
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,543
ANYBODY HEAR ANYTHING?
204
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,296
NOTHING?
205
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:45,423
I GOT A LITTLE
SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
206
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,008
I DON'T KNOW
IF I SHOULD SAY.
207
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,760
SO JUST KEEP IT
TO YOURSELF THEN.
208
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,845
STANLEY IS HAVING
A MIDLIFE CRISIS.
209
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,847
STANLEY IS WAY PAST
THE MIDDLE OF HIS LIFE,
210
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,766
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HIS
HEIGHT TO WEIGHT RATIO.
211
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,435
WELL, APPARENTLY
HE AND HIS WIFE
212
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,271
WERE OUT DANCING AT
A CLUB FOR YOUNG PEOPLE.
213
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,981
TERI'S OUT OF TOWN, MICHAEL.
214
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,275
- WHO?
- STANLEY'S WIFE TERI.
215
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,778
SHE'S AT AN INTERIOR
DECORATING EXPO IN PHILLY.
216
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:10,073
AND STANLEY HATES CROWDS,
KIDS, AND MUSIC.
217
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,492
I THINK YOU SHOULD
CHECK YOUR FACTS.
218
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,626
YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH.
219
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,670
- YOU SET ME UP.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
220
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,422
STANLEY'S WIFE
IS OUT OF TOWN.
221
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:26,631
HE WAS WITH SOMEBODY.
222
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,799
HE WAS DEFINITELY
WITH SOMEONE.
223
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,135
OH, WAS HE?
WELL, WHO, HIS SISTER?
224
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,386
[chuckles]
225
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,221
I DON'T GET IT!
226
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,597
IF THAT WAS HIS SISTER,
227
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,933
THEN WHAT THEY WERE DOING
WAS TOTALLY ILLEGAL.
228
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:38,184
DRUGS?
229
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,354
MAKING OUT.
230
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,566
EH--
231
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,570
OH, OKAY.
232
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,196
WELL--
233
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,158
OH, NO, OKAY.
234
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,909
NO, IT'S OKAY.
235
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,327
NEVER MIND.
CARRY ON.
236
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,371
STANLEY IS HAVING
AN AFFAIR.
237
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,040
- WHAT?
- I KNOW.
238
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,666
I AM VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW,
239
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,753
THRILLED PERHAPS,
TO BE A PART OF THE OFFICE,
240
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,546
TO BE A PART
OF THE CONVERSATION.
241
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,548
WHEN YOU HAVE
SOMEBODY'S ATTENTION
242
00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,550
AND THEIR EYES
ARE LIGHTING UP BECAUSE
243
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,011
THEY ARE VERY INTERESTED
IN WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY,
244
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,387
THAT IS A GREAT FEELING
245
00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:16,681
AND I EXPERIENCED THAT
FIRSTHAND TODAY.
246
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,851
IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
247
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,020
THAT AND THAT
ARE THE SAME LETTER.
248
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,646
"Q."
249
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,273
NO.
250
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,025
NO, OKAY.
251
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,485
HE'S HOLDING A PENCIL.
252
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,403
HE COULD BE DOING A CROSSWORD
PUZZLE WITH THAT PENCIL.
253
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,946
WHAT'S THAT LETTER
RIGHT THERE?
254
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,823
SAME LETTER HERE AND HERE.
255
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,116
WHAT HAVEN'T YOU GUESSED?
256
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,535
- "T."
- "T," YES!
257
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,870
YES!
258
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:43,333
THAT IS A "T" AND THERE'S
ANOTHER ONE RIGHT THERE.
259
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,542
JUST SOUND THAT OUT.
260
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,877
YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.
261
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,836
JUST--
262
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,214
"STANLEY IS CHEERING
ON TERI."
263
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,757
NO, THAT'S A "T."
264
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,009
GOD. GOD! COME O--
265
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,429
ERIN, WOULD YOU PLEASE COME
IN HERE AND TAKE A LETTER?
266
00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,974
I AM GOING TO BLOW HER MIND.
267
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,353
UM, I'VE NEVER DONE
THIS BEFORE,
268
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,646
AND I DON'T KNOW SHORTHAND.
269
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:05,939
- OKAY.
- SO I HOPE IT'S--
270
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:09,901
DEAR SIRS,
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,
271
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,488
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION
THAT STANLEY HUDSON
272
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,949
IS HAVING AN AFFAIR.
273
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,742
OKAY. DO YOU WANT IT TO SAY,
"DEAR SIRS"
274
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,577
AND "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN?"
275
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,413
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
THAT--OKAY.
276
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,248
OOH. OOH. OKAY. OKAY.
277
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,709
OH, THERE HE--
ALL RIGHT.
278
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,461
HEY, STANLEY,
WHERE YOU GOING, BIG GUY?
279
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,255
- UP TO NO GOOD?
- I'M MEETING A CLIENT.
280
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,381
DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THAT?
281
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:32,549
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
282
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,592
I JUST HAD A QUICK QUESTION
FOR YOU.
283
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,137
I'M CASTING A MOVIE
AND I'M LOOKING
284
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,805
FOR A WOMAN WHO CAN DANCE.
285
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,932
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY?
286
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,225
GOOD-BYE.
287
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,935
PAYS $5 MILLION.
288
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,270
NUDITY REQUIRED.
289
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,771
YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS.
290
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,898
DID YOU HEAR THAT
STANLEY'S HAVING AN AFFAIR?
291
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,358
I DID, FROM YOU.
292
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,443
YOU GOT TO STOP
TELLING PEOPLE.
293
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,944
OH, OKAY, I GET IT.
294
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,154
YOU FEEL OUT OF THE LOOP
295
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,238
AND YOU FEEL SORRY
FOR YOURSELF
296
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,448
AND IT'S REALLY SAD
297
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,574
BECAUSE EVERYBODY THINKS
YOU'RE A LOSER.
298
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,575
DO YOU EVEN KNOW
IF IT'S TRUE?
299
00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,784
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?
300
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,662
BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE
RUINING HIS LIFE.
301
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,754
IS THAT THE END
OF THE LETTER?
302
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,429
HOLD UP! HOLD UP!
HOLD UP! HOLD UP!
303
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,431
[horn honks]
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
304
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,600
TIME TO STOP BEING POLITE
AND GET REAL.
305
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,394
STANLEY, YOU HAVING
AN AFFAIR?
306
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,314
THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
307
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,191
OF COURSE NOT.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?
308
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,609
SO IT'S NOT TRUE. OKAY.
309
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,904
WELL--
OH.
310
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,364
THOSE INTERNS.
311
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,866
THEY TOLD ME THEY SAW YOU
AT THE CLUB
312
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,951
AND THEY ALL SAID
IT WAS YOU.
313
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:44,412
IT WAS CLEARLY JUST...
314
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,748
RACIAL PROFILING GOSSIP.
315
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,917
- THE LITTLE--
- DAMN!
316
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,336
TOLD HER IT WAS A STUPID IDEA
TO GO UP IN THAT CLUB.
317
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,671
THAT'S SO STUPID.
318
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,048
IT'S JUST THAT...
319
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,008
TERI'S BEEN TRAVELING
A LOT LATELY...
320
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,134
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
321
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,344
IT'S BEEN LONELY.
322
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,679
OH, I BET.
I--HEY.
323
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,847
CYNTHIA'S BEEN
KEEPING ME COMPANY.
324
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:06,643
SHE WAS MY NURSE WHEN
I WAS IN REHABILITATION.
325
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:10,021
WE USED TO GO ON THESE LONG
WALKS ON THE TREADMILL.
326
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,858
I DIDN'T INTEND--
327
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,195
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
HO--HOL--
328
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,655
SO IT IS TRUE?
329
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,573
YEAH, BUT, MICHAEL,
I'M GOING TO GO BREAK IT OFF.
330
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,825
THAT'S WHERE I'M HEADED
RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR.
331
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,660
OH, MY GOD.
WAIT A SECOND.
332
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:26,246
DO PEOPLE OFTEN SAY THEY'RE
GOING ON SALES CALLS
333
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,539
AND THEN GO SOMEPLACE ELSE?
334
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,748
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT COOL.
335
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,834
I JUST NEED YOU
TO PROMISE NOT TO SAY
336
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,837
A WORD ABOUT THIS
TO ANYONE.
337
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,213
MICHAEL, PLEASE.
338
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,340
I'M NOT SAYING
A DAMN THING.
339
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,675
I'M COUNTING ON YOU, MICHAEL.
340
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,760
OKAY.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
341
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,975
OH, THAT SMELLS GOOD.
342
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,601
YEAH, I MIGHT HAVE EXTRA.
343
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,186
IT JUST DEPENDS
ON HOW MANY I EAT.
344
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,604
DID YOU HEAR
ABOUT ANGELA?
345
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,773
- THAT'S PRETTY WEIRD.
- YEAH.
346
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,026
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
MEAN EXACTLY?
347
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,236
WELL, THE FACT
THAT SHE APPARENTLY
348
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,114
IS DATING AN 81-YEAR-OLD
BILLIONAIRE
349
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,283
WHO OWNS A QUIZNOS
ON THE TURNPIKE.
350
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,576
REALLY?
351
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,785
UH-HUH.
352
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,662
[mumbles]
RIGHT?
353
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,789
HOW DO YOU UNTELL SOMETHING?
354
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,624
YOU CAN'T.
355
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,127
YOU CAN'T PUT WORDS BACK
IN YOUR MOUTH.
356
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:19,132
WHAT YOU CAN DO
IS SPREAD FALSE GOSSIP
357
00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,884
SO THAT PEOPLE THINK
THAT EVERYTHING
358
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,761
THAT'S BEEN SAID IS UNTRUE,
359
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:26,806
INCLUDING STANLEY
IS HAVING AN AFFAIR.
360
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,224
IT'S LIKE THE END OF SPARTACUS.
361
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,894
I HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE
HALF A DOZEN TIMES
362
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,480
AND I STILL DON'T KNOW
WHO THE REAL SPARTACUS IS.
363
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:38,276
AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES
THAT MOVIE A CLASSIC WHODUNIT.
364
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,987
EVA LONGORIA NEEDS TO BE
ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES MORE.
365
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,530
I FEEL LIKE THEY WON'T LET HER
ACT 'CAUSE SHE'S HOT,
366
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,907
AND IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.
367
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,658
- GOD, I HAVE TO GET A TV.
- MM.
368
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,369
KELLY, SHOULDN'T YOU
BE WORKING?
369
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,788
I AM WORKING.
370
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,956
FINE, MICHAEL. FINE.
371
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,543
- SHE'S SWEET.
- YEAH.
372
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,128
SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND HERE.
373
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,839
SOMETIMES SHE'S THE ONLY PERSON
WHO TALKS TO ME ALL DAY.
374
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,883
- OH, SWEET.
- YEAH.
375
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,385
- GOOD FRIENDS.
- [LAUGHS]
376
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,928
TOO BAD ABOUT
HER EATING DISORDER.
377
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,388
KELLY HAS AN EATING DISORDER?
378
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:07,847
- YEAH.
- SHE ALWAYS EATS MY LUNCH.
379
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,683
ANOREXIA.
SHE'S ANA--
380
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,351
SHE'S AN "ANOREXITEC."
381
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,352
WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING.
382
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:13,937
NOTHING CAN BE DONE.
383
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,815
JUST HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY
AND HOPE FOR THE BEST, I GUESS.
384
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,235
HEY, KELL.
385
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,736
HEY.
386
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,864
I, UH--I JUST WANTED
TO APOLOGIZE
387
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,367
FOR ASKING YOU TO GET BACK
TO WORK BEFORE.
388
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,911
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT,
'CAUSE IT WAS BOTHERING ME.
389
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,414
I--WELL, IT WAS
DIRECTED AT ERIN,
390
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,499
BECAUSE SHE'S NOT
A VERY GOOD WORKER.
391
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,042
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG SHE'S
GONNA LAST HERE.
392
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,420
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
393
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,548
SO--AND ANDY IS GAY.
394
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,591
- ANDY BERNARD?
- MM-HMM.
395
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,260
DID YOU HEAR PAM IS PREGNANT?
396
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,681
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
397
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,808
SHE'S GONNA HATE
BEING A MOM.
398
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,772
DOES IT SAY, "THANK YOU
FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK
399
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,190
- THIS SUMMER?"
- YEP.
400
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:03,069
COOL. MY MOM WILL LOVE IT.
401
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:05,363
GREAT. AND YOU GOT
THE THREE CANDLES?
402
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,908
- OOH, UM--
- UM--
403
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,869
MAN, WE SPACED ON THE CANDLES.
404
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,787
REALLY?
405
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:17,000
I GAVE YOU TWO THINGS TO DO
AND YOU SPACED ON ONE OF THEM?
406
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:19,377
WHAT IF I SAID TO YOU, "DUCK,"
407
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,588
BECAUSE A WRECKING BALL
IS COMING TOWARDS YOUR HEAD,
408
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,549
AND "JUMP," BECAUSE A SWORD WAS
GONNA CUT YOUR FEET OFF
409
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,676
AND YOU SPACED ON ONE OF THEM?
410
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,720
OH, HEY, PAM, DID YOU FINISH
TEACHING THE INTERNS
411
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,221
THE WRECKING BALL LOW SWORD
DEFENSE?
412
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,057
- YEAH, SURE DID.
- SO THEY WOULDN'T NEED ANYONE
413
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,183
CALLING OUT A WARNING OR--
414
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,768
NO. THEY'D KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO DO.
415
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,519
- GREAT. THANKS.
- MM-HMM.
416
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,563
THERE'S NO DEFENSE FOR THAT.
417
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,231
IS THERE A DEFENSE FOR THAT?
418
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,816
- WE'RE SORRY.
- SORRY, SIR.
419
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,943
WELL, SORRY'S
NOT GOOD ENOUGH,
420
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,278
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
421
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,280
THE CAKE WAS FOR YOU
ANYWAY, IDIOTS.
422
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,116
SO ENJOY IT
WITHOUT YOUR CANDLES.
423
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,326
GOD.
424
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,501
SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE DEFENSE
FOR THAT?
425
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,338
[chuckles]
426
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,757
WHAT?
427
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,509
TEA.
428
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,511
- SO?
- YOU WOULD.
429
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,137
I LIKE TEA.
430
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,056
OH, I BET YOU LIKE IT.
431
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,766
YEAH.
[chuckles]
432
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,643
I LIKE IT A LOT.
433
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,061
I LOVE TEA.
434
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:21,314
DO YOU LIKE IT AS MUCH
AS YOU LIKE MEN'S BUTTS?
435
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,607
WHAT?
436
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,484
'CAUSE YOU'RE GAY.
437
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,445
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
438
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,448
WAS IT BROCCOLI ROB?
439
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,117
SOMEONE FROM CHI PSI?
440
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,119
OR DID YOU RUN INTO SOMEONE
FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL?
441
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,538
THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME
RUMORS ABOUT ME
442
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,540
BEING GAY HAVE COME UP.
443
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:40,959
TWICE BEFORE, ACTUALLY.
444
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,004
JUST A WEIRD COINCIDENCE.
445
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,840
IT'S A LITTLE TOO WEIRD.
446
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,883
[chuckles]
447
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,261
ALMOST MAKES YOU WONDER IF IT'S
NOT A COINCIDENCE AT ALL.
448
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,846
WHOA.
449
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,639
WHICH IT IS, OF COURSE.
450
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,435
BUT IT MAKES YOU WONDER.
451
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,937
DID YOU HEAR THE RUMOR
ABOUT ME?
452
00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,522
THAT I'M GAY?
453
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,566
I DID. YES.
454
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:05,984
AND?
455
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,069
WHAT?
456
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,612
DO YOU THINK IT'S TRUE?
457
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,824
DO YOU THINK THAT I'M GAY?
458
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,325
IS IT TRUE?
459
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,536
THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU.
460
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,204
WHAT IS YOUR INTUITION
TELLING YOU?
461
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,165
THAT IT'S NOT TRUE.
462
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,459
ARE YOU TAKING INTO ACCOUNT
463
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,503
THE FACT THAT I LOVE
ACAPELLA MUSIC
464
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,839
AND I'M A SNAPPY DRESSER
465
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,299
AND I LIKE PENNY LOAFERS.
466
00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,884
ARE YOU ATTRACTED
TO OTHER MEN?
467
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:33,553
[chuckles]
468
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,889
NO.
469
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,932
BUT LET ME KICK YOU
A SCENARIO.
470
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:40,226
I'M AT, LIKE,
A BEACH CABANA
471
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:44,522
AND BRAD PITT APPROACHES,
TRIES TO LEAN IN AND KISS ME.
472
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:50,111
I WOULD DEFINITELY RESIST,
LIKE, AT FIRST.
473
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:52,822
BUT IF HE WAS PERSISTENT,
474
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:55,241
I MIGHT GIVE IN A LITTLE BIT
475
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,911
TO JUST REALLY SEE
WHAT IT FELT LIKE.
476
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,871
WOULD I PUSH HIM AWAY?
477
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,414
HOW HARD?
478
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,750
LIKE, WHAT IF HE'S,
LIKE, REALLY AGGRESSIVE?
479
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:06,461
IF YOU RESISTED BRAD PITT
A LITTLE BIT,
480
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:09,798
HE WOULD STILL NEED
TO GET TO YOU?
481
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,591
THIS IS NOT REAL BRAD PITT.
482
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,260
THIS IS, LIKE, IN MY--
THIS IS MY FANTASY.
483
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,638
OR IT'S, LIKE, NOT FANTASY.
IT'S, LIKE, WHAT I'M--
484
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,139
IT'S JUST A SCENARIO.
485
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,100
WOW.
I--I AM--
486
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,393
I WISH I COULD HELP YOU.
487
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,520
I DON'T--
YOU MIGHT BE GAY.
488
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,355
YOU MIGHT BE GAY.
489
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,609
WHAT EXACTLY
IS MY RESPONSIBILITY HERE?
490
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:32,278
TO COMFORT INSECURE
HETEROSEXUAL MEN?
491
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,447
THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY
FALL TO ME.
492
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,157
- HOW FAR ALONG IS PAM?
- A FEW MONTHS.
493
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,534
THAT'S WHY THEY'RE RUSHING
THE WEDDING.
494
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,618
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS.
495
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,412
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU HEAR.
496
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,706
LIKE STANLEY HAVING
AN AFFAIR.
497
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,207
THAT IS CRAZY.
498
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,001
JUST THERE'S NO STOCK IN IT.
499
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,044
IT'S A WEIRD DAY
FOR FALSE FACTS.
500
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,587
LET IT GO.
501
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,922
OKAY, EVERYBODY.
502
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,132
BIG DAY.
503
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,800
LAST DAY FOR OUR INTERNS.
504
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:55,385
LOT OF OTHER STUFF.
505
00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:58,304
WHO KNOWS WHAT TO BELIEVE?
506
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,724
DWIGHT, THE HONORS.
507
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,601
PRESENT THESE
TO THE DEAN FOR CREDIT.
508
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,146
AND AS A GIFT,
I'VE ATTACHED MY CARD.
509
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,148
CALL ME ANYTIME
OF THE DAY OR NIGHT.
510
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:09,607
WHY WOULD WE CALL YOU
AT NIGHT?
511
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,860
WELL, NOW YOU CAN'T
CALL ME AT ALL,
512
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,403
SO PROBLEM SOLVED.
513
00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,030
AND YOU'RE GONNA REGRET
THAT WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF
514
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,073
BETWEEN A MOOSE
AND HER CUBS AT NIGHT.
515
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,867
LOOK TO THE INTERN
ON YOUR LEFT.
516
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,493
NOW TO YOUR RIGHT.
517
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,829
ONE OF YOU WILL DO EXCEEDINGLY
WELL IN BUSINESS.
518
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,706
JUST UNLIMITED POTENTIAL.
519
00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:28,168
ONE OF YOU WILL MAKE A LIVING
AND NOTHING MORE.
520
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:32,047
AND ONE OF YOU WILL MAKE
A GREAT MOTHER.
521
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:37,135
IT'S UP TO YOU TO CHOOSE
WHICH YOU WANT TO BE.
522
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,390
I'D LIKE A CORNER PIECE.
523
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,354
WHEN GIVEN THE OPTION,
524
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,190
I'LL ALWAYS
TAKE A CORNER PIECE.
525
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,693
I AM SO HAPPY
YOU'RE EATING AGAIN.
526
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,153
ME TOO.
527
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,489
DUDE, HOW COME YOU NEVER TRY
TO SET ME UP?
528
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,240
OH, I DON'T REALLY DO THAT.
529
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:00,909
BUT PAM MIGHT HAVE
SOME FRIENDS THOUGH.
530
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,786
- WOMEN FRIENDS?
- YEP.
531
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,412
NOT GUY FRIENDS?
532
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,706
ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN HER GUY FRIENDS?
533
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:08,083
NO.
534
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,626
I MEAN, FOR THE RECORD,
I PREFER WOMEN.
535
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:10,877
OKAY.
536
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:12,712
BUT OFF THE RECORD,
I'M KIND OF CONFUSED.
537
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,089
REALLY?
538
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,007
YEAH, THE EVIDENCE IS SORT
OF STACKED AGAINST ME,
539
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,258
I FEEL LIKE.
540
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,301
WELL, YOU GOT
TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
541
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,719
- YEAH, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
542
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:20,845
HOW?
543
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,889
YOU GOT TO HAVE SEX
WITH A WOMAN...
544
00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,140
RIGHT-O.
545
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:25,892
AND THEN A MAN
AND THEN COMPARE.
546
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:27,394
OH.
547
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,772
OKAY.
548
00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:32,065
WHEN DO WE DO THIS?
549
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,609
NOPE.
550
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,069
ALL RIGHT.
551
00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:37,320
- WELL, HEY.
- YEP?
552
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,613
CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
553
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:39,823
ON WHAT?
554
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,658
[chuckles]
COME ON.
555
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,410
LITTLE BABY TUNA.
556
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:46,204
LITTLE JUNIOR TORO.
557
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:50,417
YOU KNOW, A BABY CONCEIVED
OUT OF WEDLOCK
558
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,502
IS STILL A BASTARD.
559
00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:53,795
WHAT?
560
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,171
WANT ME TO SAY IT AGAIN?
561
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,589
WHY DID THAT COME
INTO YOUR BRAIN?
562
00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:58,508
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
563
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,261
SO THEY KNOW.
564
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:02,470
WHO DID YOU TELL?
565
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:03,763
I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE.
WHO DID YOU TELL?
566
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,056
NOBODY.
567
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,599
HEY, DID ONE
OF YOU TELL STANLEY
568
00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:08,852
THAT I HAVE ASTHMA,
'CAUSE I DON'T.
569
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:11,271
IF IT GETS OUT,
THEY WON'T LET ME SCUBA.
570
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,148
IF I CAN'T SCUBA,
571
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,858
THEN WHAT'S THIS ALL
BEEN ABOUT?
572
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:16,276
WHAT AM I WORKING TOWARD?
573
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,610
IT'S NOT TRUE.
574
00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:19,446
I'M NOT A PACK RAT
AND I'VE NEVER BEEN STUCK
575
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:22,032
BETWEEN
ANYTHING IN MY HOUSE.
576
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,450
WHAT?
577
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,411
YOU THINK I'M THE VOICE
OF THE TACO BELL DOG?
578
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,996
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?
579
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,289
I HAVE A DAUGHTER.
580
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,957
HOW COULD I BE A VIRGIN?
581
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:34,002
HAS EVERYONE HEARD A CRAZY
RUMOR ABOUT THEMSELVES TODAY?
582
00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:35,295
[affirmative responses]
583
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,379
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
584
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:37,797
LET'S DISCREDIT THESE RUMORS.
585
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:39,758
YEAH, SURE, BUT WHO'S BEEN
SAYING ALL THAT STUFF?
586
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,384
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, JIM.
587
00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,303
I JUST THINK WE SHOULDN'T
LISTEN TO ANY OF THIS CRAP.
588
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,055
SURE, BUT WE SHOULD GET
TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
589
00:21:45,096 --> 00:21:47,140
LET'S PICK A RUMOR AND TRACE IT
BACK TO THE BEGINNING.
590
00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:49,100
I NEED TO DO MINE FIRST.
591
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:52,979
WHO'S BEEN SAYING THAT THERE'S
ANOTHER PERSON INSIDE OF ME
592
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,357
WORKING ME WITH CONTROLS?
593
00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,817
I HEARD THAT FROM ANDY.
594
00:21:57,859 --> 00:22:00,153
I HEARD IT FROM ERIN.
595
00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:02,697
I HEARD IT FROM MICHAEL.
596
00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:03,907
MICHAEL.
597
00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:08,995
MICHAEL?
598
00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:10,622
HE'S OVER HERE!
599
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,374
- WHERE YOU GOING?
- NOWHERE.
600
00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:14,334
- MICHAEL.
- HMM?
601
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:17,212
[clears throat]
602
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,588
[whispers]
YOU TOLD PEOPLE
603
00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:21,383
THAT I USE STORE-BOUGHT
MANURE
604
00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:25,470
WHEN I SHOWED YOU
WHERE MY MANURE COMES FROM.
605
00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:26,805
- HMM?
- [elevator bell dings]
606
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:27,931
HMM?
607
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:30,100
- DON'T GET ON IT.
- MICHAEL, DON'T.
608
00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:32,060
- DON'T GET ON.
- MICHAEL.
609
00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:33,645
- DO NOT.
- MICHAEL, NO.
610
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:35,105
- STAY, MICHAEL.
- STEP AWAY.
611
00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,398
- STAY.
- DON'T.
612
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:38,566
- COME ON, BOSS.
- NO.
613
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,111
OKAY, I MADE IT ALL UP.
614
00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:42,612
- [sighs]
- WHAT?
615
00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:44,155
EVEN THE FACT
THAT I'M GAY?
616
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:45,949
- YES.
- YES.
617
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:49,160
BUT, GUYS, I'M A VICTIM HERE
TOO, OKAY?
618
00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:51,621
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT
I AM A J. CREW MODEL.
619
00:22:51,663 --> 00:22:53,498
NO, WE HEARD THAT
ABOUT JIM.
620
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:55,000
JIM?
NO, NO.
621
00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:56,793
I SPREAD THE RUMOR
THAT SOMEBODY HERE
622
00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:59,295
WAS A J. CREW MODEL
AND I WAS REFERRING TO MYSELF.
623
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:00,547
HOW IS THAT A BAD RUMOR?
624
00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,882
BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE
THINK THAT MODELS,
625
00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:04,467
EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE
VERY ATTRACTIVE
626
00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:06,219
ARE SOMEWHAT VAPID.
627
00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,971
IT SET OUR INDUSTRY BACK
QUITE A BIT.
628
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:09,347
MICHAEL, WHY?
629
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:10,807
WHY SAY ALL THESE THINGS?
630
00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:13,393
WHY MAKE UP AN EATING DISORDER,
STANLEY'S AFFAIR,
631
00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:14,894
ME BEING A SPOKESDOG?
632
00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,855
YOU TOLD EVERYONE
I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR?
633
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,816
OKAY, OKAY,
HERE'S THE THING.
634
00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:21,985
THERE WAS ONE TRUE RUMOR
OUT THERE TODAY.
635
00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:24,404
I DIDN'T WANT EVERYBODY
TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS,
636
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:27,991
SO ALL OF YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK
EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE PERSON.
637
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:30,160
WELL, THEN WHAT'S
THE ONE TRUE RUMOR?
638
00:23:30,201 --> 00:23:31,995
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW.
639
00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:35,206
MICHAEL, AM I GAY?
640
00:23:35,248 --> 00:23:37,709
[sighs]
THE ONE TRUE RUMOR--
641
00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,669
AND THIS IS GONNA RUIN THIS
PERSON'S LIFE--IS THAT--
642
00:23:39,711 --> 00:23:41,171
THAT PAM'S PREGNANT.
643
00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:42,422
- I KNEW IT.
- I KNEW IT.
644
00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:43,840
I KNEW IT.
645
00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:45,842
HER BREASTS
WERE A TINY BIT BIGGER.
646
00:23:45,884 --> 00:23:49,721
AT FIRST I THOUGHT, OH, SHE HAS
A NEW BRA WITH PADDING.
647
00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:53,725
BUT THEN I THOUGHT,
PAM DOESN'T NEED PADDING.
648
00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:55,602
IT JUST DIDN'T ADD UP, JIM.
649
00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:57,687
- OKAY, THANK YOU.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
650
00:23:57,729 --> 00:23:59,064
THAT'S REALLY GREAT,
YOU GUYS.
651
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,732
- DON'T VACCINATE IT.
- WHO'S THE FATHER?
652
00:24:00,774 --> 00:24:02,359
- JIM.
- HOW FAR ALONG?
653
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:03,735
FOUR MONTHS.
654
00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:05,278
- WHO'S THE OB-GYN?
- STOP. DON'T SAY.
655
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,654
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
656
00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:08,698
YOU KNOW, THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH
657
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:11,076
AND YOU CAN'T FALL
ON A SWORD THIS WAY.
658
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:14,496
THE REAL THING IS THAT
STANLEY HUDSON HAD AN AFFAIR.
659
00:24:14,537 --> 00:24:15,955
- NOPE.
- YES, JIM.
660
00:24:15,997 --> 00:24:17,374
THANK YOU FOR TRYING
TO DEFEND US,
661
00:24:17,415 --> 00:24:19,084
BUT ACTUALLY, PAM IS PREGNANT
AND WE CAN PROVE IT...
662
00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:20,377
YES.
663
00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:21,378
IF EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE
TO SEE PROOF.
664
00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:23,296
WANT TO--OKAY.
665
00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:24,547
JUST GONNA WAIT FOR HER?
666
00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:26,049
WHAT'S THE "PROOF" MEAN?
667
00:24:26,091 --> 00:24:28,343
[indistinct chatter]
668
00:24:28,385 --> 00:24:29,803
[group gasps]
669
00:24:29,844 --> 00:24:31,137
OH, MY!
THERE IT IS!
670
00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:32,222
IT'S TRUE!
671
00:24:32,263 --> 00:24:34,683
PAM, LOOK AT THAT!
672
00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,394
THAT IS THE INSIDE
OF YOUR VAGINA.
673
00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:39,062
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS,
BUT--
674
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:42,232
IT'S CLEAR WHY WE WERE TRYING
NOT TO TELL PEOPLE.
675
00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:43,775
THAT'S CLEAR NOW.
676
00:24:43,817 --> 00:24:45,652
YEAH.
677
00:24:48,279 --> 00:24:49,781
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
678
00:24:55,453 --> 00:24:58,581
THERE MUST BE 40 FOLDS
IN THIS THING.
679
00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:01,793
40 FOLDS.
680
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,093
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN
ABOUT THE PREGNANCY?
681
00:25:10,135 --> 00:25:12,387
A WEEK?
MONTH?
682
00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:13,930
A YEAR?
683
00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:16,182
MICHAEL, WE ONLY TOLD
OUR PARENTS LAST WEEK.
684
00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:17,809
DID YOU PEE ON A STICK?
685
00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,102
I DID.
686
00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:20,729
BUT IT WAS INCONCLUSIVE.
687
00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,147
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME.
688
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:25,692
YOU'RE RIGHT.
689
00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,445
WE SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT
YOU ARE AN EQUAL PART OF THIS.
690
00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:30,864
[phone rings]
691
00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:32,073
YES?
692
00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:34,909
MICHAEL, TERI HUDSON
RETURNING YOUR CALL.
693
00:25:34,951 --> 00:25:36,661
YOU CALLED STANLEY'S WIFE?
694
00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:38,955
OH, OH, YEAH.
695
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,040
A LONG TIME AGO.
696
00:25:40,081 --> 00:25:41,458
JUST TO MAKE SURE
SHE WAS OUT OF TOWN.
697
00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,209
- OH, GOD.
- DON'T TAKE IT.
698
00:25:43,251 --> 00:25:45,795
NO, I HAVE TO TAKE IT
OR IT'LL SEEM SUSPICIOUS.
699
00:25:45,837 --> 00:25:47,172
IF YOU TALK TO HER,
YOU'RE GONNA TELL HER
700
00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,631
ABOUT STANLEY AND THAT'S
GONNA SEEM MORE SUSPICIOUS.
701
00:25:48,673 --> 00:25:50,175
NO, NO, NO.
I CAN DO THIS.
702
00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,843
- YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
- YES, I CAN.
703
00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:54,054
I AM GOING TO TELL HER
THAT I NEED
704
00:25:54,095 --> 00:25:56,765
TO REDECORATE MY CONDO
AND I NEED HER HELP.
705
00:25:56,806 --> 00:25:59,768
WE WILL HAGGLE ABOUT MONEY
AND I WILL BACK DOWN
706
00:25:59,809 --> 00:26:01,269
AND THEN I WON'T TALK
TO HER
707
00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:02,979
UNTIL THIS WHOLE CYNTHIA
THING'S BLOWN OVER.
708
00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:04,564
- MICHAEL, PLEASE DON'T.
- SOUNDS TERRIBLE.
709
00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:06,733
[clears throat]
HEY, WHAT UP, CYNTHIA?
710
00:26:06,775 --> 00:26:08,193
[slight gasp]
711
00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:16,534
JUST HANG ON A SECOND, CYNTHIA.
712
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:28,338
WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT TERI
WAS ALREADY SUSPICIOUS
713
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:32,842
BECAUSE SHE HAD CAUGHT STANLEY
AND CYNTHIA A FEW MONTHS AGO.
714
00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:36,638
SO STANLEY PROMISED THAT HE
WOULD STOP AND HE DID.
715
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:37,764
END OF STORY.
716
00:26:37,806 --> 00:26:40,725
WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
717
00:26:40,767 --> 00:26:43,228
UH, CYNTHIA KEPT CALLING HIM.
718
00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:46,106
SHE WOULD NOT STOP CALLING HIM
AND SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM.
719
00:26:46,147 --> 00:26:46,940
OH, AND GET THIS.
720
00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:48,983
CYNTHIA?
ALSO MARRIED.
721
00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:53,571
SO YOU CAN'T STOP LOVE,
I GUESS.
722
00:26:53,613 --> 00:26:56,449
AND QUITE FRANKLY,
I DON'T THINK
723
00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:58,326
YOU SHOULD EVER EVEN TRY.
724
00:27:04,332 --> 00:27:05,959
I LEARNED THAT
A COMPANY CAN DESCRIBE
725
00:27:06,001 --> 00:27:08,795
AN INTERNSHIP AS FULL
OF EXCITING EXPERIENCES,
726
00:27:08,837 --> 00:27:10,463
EVEN IF THAT'S A LIE.
727
00:27:10,505 --> 00:27:12,173
THERE'S NO REGULATION.
728
00:27:12,215 --> 00:27:14,342
I LEARNED THAT HALF THESE
PEOPLE'S EMAIL PASSWORD
729
00:27:14,384 --> 00:27:16,011
IS "PASSWORD."
730
00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:19,014
I LEARNED THAT A REAM
OF PAPER IS 300 SHEETS.
731
00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:21,766
I THOUGHT IT WAS 500.
732
00:27:21,808 --> 00:27:23,143
OH.
733
00:27:23,184 --> 00:27:26,312
I GUESS I DIDN'T
LEARN ANYTHING.
734
00:27:26,354 --> 00:27:28,314
I LEARNED THAT IF YOU LOOK
EVEN THE TINIEST BIT
735
00:27:28,356 --> 00:27:32,485
LIKE JET LI, MICHAEL WILL CALL
YOU JET LI ALL SUMMER.
736
00:27:32,527 --> 00:27:33,778
JULIA STILES.
737
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:36,156
ALAN THICKE.
738
00:27:36,197 --> 00:27:38,158
I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED
SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY
739
00:27:38,199 --> 00:27:39,492
ON THESE INTERNS.
740
00:27:39,534 --> 00:27:42,370
THEIR GENERATION COULD NEVER
FIGHT IN A WAR.
741
00:27:42,412 --> 00:27:44,873
I HAVE NEVER FOUGHT IN A WAR,
BUT I COULD.
742
00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:49,210
SPECIFICALLY, THE BOER WAR
IN SOUTH AFRICA.
743
00:27:49,252 --> 00:27:52,797
THAT FEELS LIKE A WAR THAT
WOULD SUIT ME JUST FINE.
744
00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:54,841
IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN, MM-MM.
745
00:27:54,883 --> 00:27:56,885
TOO MUCH HUMMUS.